May 23, 2011
Do All Mothers have Secrets?
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I have known my mother for 65 years, now longer than anyone. It is daunting to consider. I thought I knew everything that there was to know in regard to important events and people in her life. She has never been one that I imagined had secrets.
Looking back she began to open up to me as a woman when she was in her sixties, and that is when slowly, very slowly I started putting pieces of her life together. It would have been easy to judge some of the things she has done in her life until I imagined if someone took my life under the microscope for inspection. I kept quiet about the shock I felt on occasion, remembering how she handled me in my midwest sixties upbringing...never asking too many questions which always made me want to tell her more. In fact, I think I tried to shock her. I used the same psychology on her ... I don't think she knew I turned the tables on her but she might have.
She had a love before my father, which I already knew. What I didn't know was the depth of that relationship and also how many times she saw Peter while married to my father. Nothing illicit happened but the pull on her heart strings was nearly unbearable. When I began to write the book she wanted me to understand her feelings and she worked hard to put me in her shoes. "...remember your first love? the kiss? what he smelled like? the rapid heartbeat?" she said.
Sometimes it was hard to hear. Sometimes I had difficulty picturing my mother as a foolish twenty-year-old full of lust.
The questions I asked were always answered. I distanced myself as daughter and immersed myself in the role as writer. I was nearly finished with the book when I got the biggest pit in my belly. Tears formed, my heart raced. I dialed her number as quickly as I could.
"Mom, was Dad a mistake?" I asked.
What do you think she said?
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Posted by Nancy Rossman
on May 23, 2011 at 10:10 AM
in What we Learn about our Mothers |
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